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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29555520">Compassion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmaliza/pseuds/emmaliza'>emmaliza</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Blake's 7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Revenge, Series A</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:00:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29555520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmaliza/pseuds/emmaliza</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After coming aboard the Liberator, Cally discusses what she really wants.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Compassion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Liberator is too big a ship for so few people on it. Cally sometimes feels a little lost on it, although not as lost as she felt when she had an entire planet to herself, but still, it can be intimidating to pace through corridor after corridor not knowing when you might see another person, nursing an irrational dread that you may never.</p>
<p>Still, she can only bring herself to resent the loneliness so much. The fewer people there are here, the fewer here to die.</p>
<p>She digs her nails into her palm, disturbed by the cynicism of her own thoughts. They have been like that for awhile, ever since she had to sit and watch on Saurian Major as everybody she knew died around her. It’s hard to go through something like that and not have one’s idealism firmly shaken. It hasn’t bothered her up until now. Now, she has people who need her to believe in them.</p>
<p>It’s a relief to turn another corridor and find someone else there after all. “Gan.” She smiles at him kindly, because she has no reason not to.</p>
<p>He looks up from the screen he was busying himself with, and returns her smile. “Hello, Cally.” He has a very open face: warm, welcoming, childlike, almost. "Is something wrong?"</p>
<p>"Oh, no, not at all." Well, of course there are many things <em>wrong,</em> in the grander span of the universe. The dominance of tyranny over the galaxy, the deaths of everyone she spent the last two years with, all that. But in this moment, there is nothing specifically wrong. "Just feeling a little lonely, that's all."</p>
<p>He nods. "You keep getting lost in this place too?" She laughs and nods, taking a seat next to him. "Honestly, sometimes here you feel like you're not there at all. You become so... insignificant."</p>
<p>Cally flinches. She felt like that on Saurian Major. She was the tree fallen in the forest, with no-one there to hear it.</p>
<p>Gan notices the look on her face, and immediately starts backtracking. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - well, whatever, it was just an idle thought–"</p>
<p>"It's fine, Gan." It's fine, and nothing is wrong. She sighs. "It's just... sometimes I wonder, what if I had never left Auron? Who would I be then?"</p>
<p>She would not remember Suzet's face turned purple, or Lyan scratching at her, futilely trying to make her help. Would she know about Saurian Major at all? Or would it be just another name on the long list of Federation atrocities, that she might tut at and disapprove, but never rise to do anything about?</p>
<p>Zelda always told her she was too soft-hearted, that she felt everyone's pain as her own. Not an uncommon affliction on Auron, but she felt it worse than most. The night before she left, Zelda begged her not to go, to forget about the faceless masses on far flung planets, because her people needed her, there.</p>
<p>Of course, that was a long time ago. It is hard to watch everyone around you die and not come out hardened. She can imagine the man who ordered the strike, some fat Federation bureaucrat, a man with a wife and family, someone who could never imagine all the lives he was taking.</p>
<p>She can imagine how good it would feel to force feed him his own poison. She does not know if she would ever do it, if she had the chance. But she can <em>imagine</em> it.</p>
<p>A hand lands on her shoulder and she jumps, prepared for battle automatically. "Cally?" Of course, it's just Gan. He is still there. "Are you alright? You just went all quiet."</p>
<p>"Oh... sorry." She tries to get her bearings. "I was just thinking, that's all."</p>
<p>"About what?"</p>
<p>She flinches. It's not his fault he does not know, but it is still an adjustment, knowing none of them can hear her thoughts. She can, in theory, send them to her crewmates, but she does not know how they would react to that. Earthlings seem to have a firm idea that their minds are their own.</p>
<p>"Nothing." Gan frowns, but does not prod further. Other people might, so she's grateful.</p>
<p>Nervously, she tries the practiced skill of turning her worries and anxieties into words. "Why are you with Blake?" she asks. "What do you think he can give you?"</p>
<p>It's a curious question, given she is basically in the same position as Gan, but he doesn't seem to take offense. He thinks it over a moment, and shrugs. "He believe his cause is right, I suppose," he says. "That and I have nowhere else to go."</p>
<p>Cally nods along. She understands that feeling.</p>
<p>"What about you?" he asks, catching her off guard. "What do you want?"</p>
<p>The answer slips from her mouth before she can really think about it. "Revenge."</p>
<p>Gan looks taken aback, blinking at her as if seeing her for the first time. As if she really is an alien. "Really?"</p>
<p>Cally is bemused. "The Federation murdered everyone - everyone around me." She has to stop herself saying <em>everyone I knew</em>. Of course, she still has friends, family, loved ones back on Auron, although she can't go back to them. On some level, she did this to herself. The Federation massacred Saurian Major, but she made it happen to her. "Wouldn't you want revenge?"</p>
<p>Gan bites his lip, looking like he's weighing his words very carefully. "They murdered my wife," he says, eventually. "Well, one of them did. And I killed him for it. In an instant. I didn't think about it – I just acted. Like an animal, really."</p>
<p>Cally nods along. She thinks she knew that - Jenna must have mentioned it. That, or she really can tune into their minds, however faintly.</p>
<p>Gan is not looking at her, but staring at the desk in front of him, shaking his head. "But after... it didn't do anything. She was still dead. He was just one more corpse. I didn't <em>get</em> anything from it."</p>
<p><em>He doesn't want me to make the same mistake he did.</em> She thinks that in a moment, but before she's even finished he's speaking again: "I mean, I'm not trying to judge you, I just meant–"</p>
<p>"It's fine." An awkward silence falls between them then, as he stares at her with big brown eyes wide and imploring, not needing any sort of telepathy to make his feelings known. For once relieved not to be an open book, Cally gives a big, theatrical yawn. "I'm sorry, I'm feeling rather tired. I think I'll head back to bed."</p>
<p>Accepting it without question, Gan nods, mind simple and kind as ever. She gets up and walks away, trying to read his mood. She finds nothing but a vague sense of confusion. She steals a glance back over her shoulder.</p>
<p>Zelda always used to tell her she was too soft at heart, but that was a long time ago, she's gotten harder. It's hard to be soft when the world around you is devoted to bringing you pain.</p>
<p>It's hard work, but somebody has to do it.</p>
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